But again, don’t take it personally, as if somehow you have to make her do it. I think that you have to hold unmotivated kids accountable. His teacher calls me every week, and they're threatening to expell him. Not always, but almost. Nothing seems to motivate him or help him. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally. I have embraced her wild side and we enjoy activities like dancing, throwing balls, climbing and marching (her most recent fave). Once you realize that your adolescent is motivated to do nothing, it will become obvious to you that she puts a lot of energy into doing that “nothing.” She puts a lot of energy into resisting you and withdrawing from you. He wants to stay like this. The process is where kids learn and have a good time (and memories are made). Telling someone how great they are at something when they aren’t isn’t helpful. Crafts are also often not well-received by a child at first. My son goes to his dad every friday after school till monday morning. Acting helpless becomes a way to get other people to do things for you. Let him do those things. Once you have an inventory of what he likes, you can use these things as incentives and rewards. But you can hold her accountable. Hello everyone, my 12 year old daughter doesn't want to do anything with us. I appreciate the many activities and other suggestions to get our children involved in different interesting activities. You might find additional tips in another article by James Lehman. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior. Tell your child clearly when to do chores and schoolwork—and when you want them done by. It’s a bad lesson to learn. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. your family. So, thank you! A good coach is constantly developing his players by challenging them and complimenting them on the specifics of their progress: “Nice layup, Josh. He doesn’t have to compete with other kids. Taking something personally means believing that your child’s inappropriate behavior is directed at you. My son has been self medicating with vaping products and also occasional use of drugs, weed, edibles. 11 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Grow Up karynh. I’m so proud of her as a reader and a lover of books, but I can’t read all day every day! 5 year old doesn’t want to do things for himself. Remember, not everything that your child likes to do costs money, so be creative and use your list of what your child likes for ideas. So, when I kick around the soccer ball with the 9-year-old, shoot hoops without keeping score with the 6-year-old or throw a Frisbee with the 12-year-old, this is play. Don’t do his homework for him. Don’t think you need to be extravagant with activities, especially when you’re first starting out. 1 message I want you to take away is that this behavior is so normal that if your child didn’t display some kind of defiance, I … When is the age that says it's too late to change/motivate the children? Dear Mike: When he was little, my son used to tell me everything. I think it’s important to schedule these kids, to give them structure. Does your child exhibit angry outbursts, such as tantrums, My 22m old usually has to be convinced to play with a toy or go outside, and then after 5 minutes she’s begging to go back and read more. Comment on his or her progress instead of telling them how great they are when they haven’t put forth much of an effort. She's on the verge of having to repeat 9th grade and I am at my wits end. If he watches TV, plays on the computer, plays video games, or texts with his friends, you know what he likes already. But look at his actions. And usually it comes down to wanting to spend time and create memories with your child. It was usually around 10:30 (when the baby napped – now, it’s after morning snack). Required fields are marked *. By visiting this site, you agree to our, the free activity planner that I send out, to Kirsten" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Jennifer" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Shannon" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Niragi" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Kate" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Olukemi Odedairo" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Karen" aria-label='reply to this comment, to Carlyn Peterson" aria-label='reply to this comment, 30+ Scavenger Hunt Ideas for Kids To Do at Any Age, 35 Fun Name Activities Perfect For Preschoolers. They want to have a girlfriend or boyfriend.